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15 April 2015

On lists



How ridiculous is this trend of lists happening on the internet right now?

5 beauty hacks you never knew you needed.
10 reasons your dating life needs an overhaul
20 things you can no longer do in your 20's

Stop telling me how to live my life, internet.. gawd.

Who is writing these lists? Why are they the authority on my success as a human? Since I'm 27 and I have no kids and I'm not married, does that mean I'm not allowed to turn 28? Why isn't anyone talking about the stuff that sometimes happens because we don't have it all together like Buzzfeed/Cosmo/Elite Daily says we should?

YOU AREN'T MY REAL MOM, Huffington Post! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

Everyone has their own path, set of rules, way of living. Why isn't that okay?

I have a friend who has been married for 5 years. She's turning 24 in a month. I have another friend who is single, looking to switch careers and has 2 roommates. She'll be 29 this year. I have a friend who hasn't been in a relationship in 5 years, and another who has been in love twice in the last year.

I have a friend who doesn't work a salary 8-5 job, and another who puts in 60 hours a week at the office. Some own homes, some rent apartments, some live with their parents, and others aren't completely sure what they are doing at the end of this month.

I have a friend who takes her dog on a 3 mile run every morning, and another who asked "Do you think I can sneak wine into a water bottle to walk my dog tonight?"

And you know what, all of these people are doing great at life.

It is not enough that a list exists for every-single-thing you do in life, but these lists ALWAYS paint some unattainable false picture. No one ever talks about the embarrassing things or the messy things or the scary things. No one instagrams the picture of the egg they dropped on the floor or the renter's insurance bill they forgot to pay. (Both things that happened to me this month).

There is nothing wrong with living the kind of life that works for you. There needs to be a list about the stuff that happens that in real life, not the over-filtered, all smiles, fairy tale of perfection.

With that I offer you:

The 7 Things That Sometimes Happen When You're 27.

1. You drink an entire bottle of wine. On a Wednesday. All alone.
We've all been there. Your day was terrible. Or maybe not. But you get home and pour yourself a glass of wine thinking "I'll just have a glass before I start the laundry". The next thing you know, you've binge watched 6 episodes of the Unbreakable Kimmy Schimdt, you're drinking from the bottle and its 11:30.

2. You let your trash can sit on the curb for 3 days after trash day.
Or 5. Sorry neighbors.

3. You just start to ignore his texts.
We know we should reply. We should tell him thanks, but no thanks. You had a nice time but you just aren't interested in taking it any further than that date. He deserves an explanation! We all do! It is the mature thing to do! Oh, look, a cat video.

4. Cookie dough is breakfast.
And you eat it in bed. Still wearing last night's outfit. With your roommate's dog. At noon.

5. Hand soap is face wash.
I'll go to sephora/ulta/target tomorrow. Besides, I like to coconut and ginger scent! Lie. now your face is super dry and your BB cream can't solve that problem.

6. You forget to RSVP.
Sorry Shannon, I know it was super annoying to have to track me down to see if I was coming to your wedding. My RSVP did not get lost in the mail. I still have it. It's been 2 years!

7. You skip doing the dishes.
I know it's just one plate because I had leftovers, but I just can't even tonight. And then I forget about it the next morning, so I have to put the plate in the oven so the dog won't lick it while I'm at work.

True story- I have a bowl in my oven right now, an you know what? That's fine.




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